swearing

and by that i mean swearing in...yes, yesterday chatty, ms. kentucky and i were in albany, ny becoming lawyers. i feel no different. okay, maybe a little more tired than usual, but other than that, i feel the same. i don't know what i was expecting...some transformative experience maybe? turns out that's a load of b.s.

a run-down of the non-transformative process goes something like this: fly out to albany, check in to hotel, order food, order "serenity" on pay-per-view, blow off bar/bri, sleep, get up filled with anxiety regarding character and fitness interview, sit around for 3 hours waiting to be interviewed, get interviewed, order food, watch "mulan" on disney channel, blow off bar/bri, chatty and ms. kentucky arrive, dinner at the pump house with a pitcher of beer and flirtatious waiter, celebrity gossip, sleep, chatty and ms. kentucky do their interviews while i blow off bar/bri and watch "spiderman 2" on hbo, swearing in ceremony, airport.

things i observed/failed to understand during the 3 hour period of waiting around before being called back for my completely inocuous 15 minute character and fitness interview:

(1) sandals and pantyhose with suit in the winter--aren't your toes cold? there was snow on the ground...and you are 40, what's up with that? did you, as malek pointed out, throw out your only "fancy shoes" with a heel? why not go to payless and pick something with a closed toe up for $9.99...star jones reynolds would approve...

(2) white tights/stockings...do you like looking really pasty? pastier than corpse?

(3) woven leather shoes for men...this is a personal complex of mine, but these remind me of the summer my brother went to spain and returned a guido...shirt unbuttoned to the middle of his slightly pasty chest, linen pants, woven leather shoes and no socks...i shudder thinking of it.

(4) no matter how angry you are at a situation, best not to talk to yourself. people will think you're insane. you probably are insane. please don't sit next to me...oh god. you did. please don't kill me.