Best Show Ever

Did anyone else watch The Bachelor last night? I've never watched the show before, but now I'm convinced it is some damn good quality TV. Here's the highlights from last night (sorry its so long):

Bachelor: Hi I'm Travis. (I'm also hot, tall, and an ER doctor)

Girls: ooohhhh a doooooccccctooooorr. gimme gimme gimme. (plus lots of other dumb, 1950s women-like comments)

Ugly mean girl: I'm a shoe in. He's a doctor, I'm an oncologist. Plus, I need to find a man because my eggs are shrivelling (not kidding--that one is a direct quote).

(Meet and Greet commences)

(Ugly mean girl approaches Travis for her 5 minutes of talk time).

Ugly mean girl: Hi. I feel like we have a connection. Y'know--medicine. Plus, I'm 33 and I'm ready to reproduce. (a quote as well)

(cute girl sitting in the conversation snorts and keeps listening)

Ugly mean girl: ...umm...anyway. So right, I feel ready to settle down and I'm offering that to you.

Travis: Um...thanks for coming.

(Rose selection time comes where Travis has to eliminate 50% of the gals. Ugly mean girl not chosen.)

Ugly mean girl (in tears): This is so typical! You know, men want a woman with a career and who is intelligent but then they're AFRAID. Its a DOUBLE EDGED SWORD. He's full of chicken sh$%.

Girls: well...you told him you want to reproduce. That's not something you say on the first meeting.

UMG: WHY NOT?? There is no other purpose for a marriage! I have tried EVERYTHING and that is why I'm here. I have tried dating, internet, blind dates. NOTHING HAS WORKED. THEY'RE ALL AFRIAD OF A SUCCESSFUL PROFESSIONAL CAREER WOMAN.

(UMG confronts Travis)

UMG: Why wasn't I chosen? What is it--I'm too short? I have too small of boobs? What?

Travis: You're comment that you're ready to reproduce.

UMG: YOU ARE SO TYPICAL! YOU JUST WANT TO PLAY THE FIELD.

(remainder of show)

(Credits--UMG pulls aside a producer outside and confronts HIM as to why she wasn't chosen. She's still in tears, she's still angry, she still doesn't realize that she scares the crap out of people because she's practically flinging her shrivelled eggs in their faces, hoping one will stick).

TA DAA!!!